My Story

On January 30, 2011 my five year old daughter Stella Maria became a saint. It's amazing how quick my life changed. In a blink of an eye almost everything that I knew and loved disappeared. Do you know what that feels like? It feels like when you are sleeping and you have a bad dream and then you wake up with your heart beating fast and you're lungs breathing hard, but then you realize it was just a dream. Only in this case, I was awake. The day before, I was sitting enjoying a hard earned pedicure and then the next day I walked into every mother's worst nightmare. My oldest child, the child I grew into motherhood with, went to heaven. There is no need at this point to describe all the details of that day. My children and I were sick that week. She fell asleep and didn't wake up. I have struggled on and off throughout my life with fear. The Lord used many circumstances to grow in trust towards him, but never-the-less I always seemed to struggle with that stronghold of "what if". I sit here typing with nothing but hope. For as I have experienced, it took facing my worst fear to annihilate all the rest. The freedom that comes with it is indescribable. And as I tell people, I am no longer of this world at all - for I have one foot on the ground and one in heaven. I am a mother of a saint. 


God has been merciful to me and continues to reveal treasures of heaven through this experience. I am able to reflect on my past and see how He has been preparing my family and me for a long time for this. And as I am squirming to become more comfortable in these new clothes, my reflections on the past and the revelations of the present, give me strength and help me to grow in the reality of the truth - that is, that from conception each one of us belongs to God. My "Stelli Belli", was never mine, she is and always has been her Creator's. She was another sacrificial lamb, and her yes inspires me every day. I am so very proud of her and pray for the patience as I await our reunion. For as I sit here, I still have work to do. I still have other saints to raise and whatever plans Jesus has for me and my family to fulfill. Now I have a direct link to the Father. And with everything I have, I answer "YES!"

'Where are you going?", I asked. "To dance among the stars!", she laughed.


7 comments:

  1. That is so beautiful, Francesca. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and Stella with us.
    Love, Deanna Turner

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  2. I love you friend. So beautifully written.

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  3. Chills. Thank you. You are an inspiration.

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  4. Thank you very much for your kind sharing.

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  5. My friend Cecilia (she laughs at the days to come) just introduced me to your blog. I recently had a miscarriage, and though our situations are different, I can relate to a lot of what you're writing, thinking, feeling. Thank you for sharing your heart here.
    Lindsay (youngmarriedmom.com)

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  6. You put beautiful words to my exact feelings as a mother who's lost a child. God seemed to prepare our family for years as well - in ways never realized until we lost Michael. our Lord is good and faithful all the time. God bless you and your family!

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  7. Words cannot express how I feel reading your story. I empathize with your family and admire you and Phillip's courage to deal with such lost everyday. A very inspiring story that will help families experiencing the same lost as they live everyday in pain. Thank you for sharing your story. It was well written by a good soul, God gave this trial to profess His love and having God and the Saints working in your everyday life seems easy for everyone suffering to find a deeper understanding towards healing and acceptance. In trials like this we cleary see the presence of God.

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