Thursday, July 11, 2013

Our Mother's Call

"Dear children of God, I am Queen of Angels.  I am the lowly servant, obedient messenger, and trained ambassador of Our Father, my Son, and the Holy Spirit.  I am here now in a way that has never before been granted to mankind.  I shall bless those children of God who invite me into their hearts, their homes, their decisions, their journey to God.  I am raising up a coterie of followers whose faithfulness to God's will is changing the earth. 

Come into the safety of my Immaculate Heart, dear little children.  Do not be dismayed by what unfolds around you.  Our Father is changing the direction of your lives.  You shall know peace as you surrender to His ways.  There are great rewards for those who surrender to His ways.

My heart is filled with my Son, Jesus.  Turn to my motherly heart.  There you find the consolation you crave.  My heart is filled with Joy.  Share abundantly, dear children, in my Joy.  Seek to remain in my heart, dear children.  There, I give you my Son.  It is my Son who lifts you into the Empyrean Valleys of Love.  Together, you climb to the Heights of Love.  It is Jesus who is Love.  Those who dwell with me dwell on the Heights of God's Love and Providence.  Love God's will as it unfolds around you.  Seek to please God alone.  Then you shall know great peace.

My words, in these times, are not a road map to human aspirations.  I come to bring the Plan of our Father.  His Plan is Eternal Life for all His children.  Those who cling to human dreams do not find the Path of Jesus.  Jesus alone is the Way, the Truth, and the Light for your journey to Paradise.  Jesus is Humble.  Jesus is Pure.  Jesus is Wisdom.  Jesus is Compassion.  Jesus is Knowledge.  Jesus is Abundance. 

Ponder the words of Jesus.  Jesus is God.  Jesus will rule all His Father's children.  Soon the hour arrives when the Good Shepherd shall be recognized.  I am preparing His sheep to hear His Voice.  Those who hear His Voice discover the means to see Him, to follow Him, to dwell with Him forever.

It is the time of the return of my Son.  My Son shall be recognized as the Lord of the Angels.  My SOn calls now to the Lose Sheep of Israel.  Many do not hear His Voice, for my Son is humble.  My Son is Peace.  My Son is Graciousness.  My Son is God. 

Trust me, little children.  I am the MOther of God.  I am the Queen of Angels.  I am the Mother of all our Father's children.  I am the Queen of the Earth, dear little children.  Each of you who draws near my heart enters into the courtyard of God's Great Plan for His little children of the earth.  The apostles were the first children of God to experience the joy of the Immaculate Heart.  As they drew near me, they comprehended more and more the dignity God intends for each of you.  Dear little children, draw nearer to my Immaculate Heart.  I am your hope.  I am your joy.  There are flowers in God's Garden that He wishes to give to you.

The flowers of God's Love fill your minds and imagination with Truth.  Truth is the language of Love.  As you dine on Love, your bodies heal of all the poison of non-love that has sickened God's dear little children.  Please me, little children, by taking pleasure in this time God has given to you to come to know me better.  Please me, little children, by perfect trust in His Plan for your lives.  Please me, little children, by your joy as you embrace God's plan for your lives. 

I am with you, little ones.  Do not disappoint me by dwelling on the past.  Leave the past forever.  It has no power over you unless you invite it, nourish it, and foolishly indulge in it.  Lot's wife could not accept God's Will.  She was therefore consumed with sorrow.  Move on, my dear children.  Move forward with great trust in my presence and courage to accept God's Plan for your lives.  There are days ahead that will fill your human hearts with amazement.  Prepare now to help the millions of souls who shall depend upon your faithfulness to God's Will for you.

There are days ahead that require your utmost obedience.  Practice listening for my voice.  Listen at each moment.  Practice listening at each moment.  When you hear my voice, respond with great joy and enthusiasm.  My little ones have heard my call to them in the winds and the fog and the rain s tha thave swept the lands of earth.  Soon my children will have a new climate that will memorialize my return to their conscience awareness.  I am the Eternal Mother.  I am your Mother of Obedience to God's Will.  I am the Mother of God and Mother of all His dear little children. 

The Hand of God is upon the earth.  The Heart of God is upon the earth.  The love of God is upon the earth.  The Will of God returns to the hearts of His children.  Peace is the will of God.  Peace is the gift of God.  Peace is the fruit of the earth.

God has given each of you tasks.  Each of you is endowed with gifts to accomplish those tasks.  Jesus has shown you the way.  Those who pray too little cannot follow the path of my Son.  He comes to you now to have an accounting of you gifts.  Many weep and mourn and die because so few pray.  So few hear my voice.  So few allow me tot visit in their hearts, their homes, their work, their goals, their dreams, their longings.

Few allow me hospitality.  Few invite me into their lives.  Few listen to my voice.  Few obey God's Will once I communicate it to them.  Those who follow the ways of the world forget to listen for my voice in their adulation and self-esteem.  My heart weeps for the sorrow my children heap upon themselves. 

Please listen for my voice.  I have much to tell you.  I am the Queen of Angels.  I am the Mother of all God's children.  Allow me to carry you in my heart to the Prince of Peace, the Lord of Lords, the Alpha and the Omega.

Peace, little children.  Only peace."

Friday, May 3, 2013

Your His Weakness Too

I hear this run through my mind, over and over. "You are not only your own weakness, but you our God's weakness too."  Some theologians or great minds might scoff at that and say "NO. God has no weakness.  He is only strong.  He is the mighty hand that created all things that exist.  The hand that controls the universe and can crush it in an instant, etc."  These things are true.   I do not deny them.  I do not deny that as well that my Father, my Creator is a complete mystery to me, to the world.  Only when I go home will I get to begin to delve into this Mystery.  I understand all of that.  But He gives us windows, and glimpses.  He gave us His Son to learn from.  And those who know His Son, know more of the Father.  Christ tells us that himself. 

I find myself beating myself up now and then.  I think of my many sins.  I see my goal, my greatest desire and what I must do to get there.  And then I see how I find myself off that path.  My eyes are looking at my goal, but my I see my body clear over in left field!  How does this happen???  Paul talks about this as well.  How he does the very thing he does not want to do.  I feel comforted.  Not justified, but comforted.  Sometimes when I read about saints and other great followers of Christ it seems that after they had their conversion or started living their life for Christ, they only tripped on the path.  They didn't fall on their face over and over and still become a great saint.  I think of how I want to be saint.  What else is there?  However, I will rejoice in simply "getting there."  Someone like me couldn't ask for more! I'll be thankful if I do! Forget great sainthood. This is how I think of my continuing journey and battle with myself.  For when I look at my weaknesses I truly can disgust myself.  This drives me nuts.

But then my soul inside me, the part of me where God humbles himself to dwell speaks different words.  I hear, "You are not only your weakness. You are also God's."  My heart is moved deeply.  Reverence for my own self is slowly put back into better perspective.  The perspective that is imperative to seeing Heaven, to seeing my God.  Focusing on what I do, or don't do or should or shouldn't do, focuses not on Love, on God, but on self.  The god of death.    And I make full circle back to knowing that He won't let me not succeed in sainthood.  For, that is part of the Mystery He has graced me to solve.  Making saints is His business.  Does it glorify Him?  Absolutely.  But more importantly, He wants me Home with Him.  For Heaven without each of us, would just not be the same for Him.  This is humbling to say.  Heaven without me, would not be complete for Him - who is the definition of complete!  This is truly humbling to think of myself like that, because I tend to see how far I have to go to be holy or worthy.  Which I will never be apart from Him.  So He must do the work and sanctifying in me.  I have no strength or know-how to do this.  The question is not, how do I do this? The question is, how do I become better at being more available for Him to do this in me?  Not sure.  For I always seem to get in the way.  I have to trust He knows this as well and will work around this factor.  I have so much to put into practice.  But if I can figure out how to let him do all the work, all the practice, then I can just sit back and watch! That's what He wants anyway. Stella, my girl, pray.  Pray hard for your weak, little, earthly mother.  (And for all souls still in this world)

Monday, April 22, 2013

Loving Father and a Little Physics

St. Thomas Aquinas developed proofs of the existence of God.  One of them had to do with force.  To simply explain it, through physics he showed that everything in motion must have something, a force to start the motion, or reaction.  If we look at the existence of the world, the universe, it had to start somewhere, or with someone.  Therefore, proving the existence of God.  My point is not to get into these proofs, I just wanted to set a small platform.   This idea of a starting force.  Every reaction is based upon some action, some force.  We tend to look at two forces - good and evil, God or Satan.  When free will comes into play, that means we have an option of choosing between the two.  A situation, event, circumstance, or encounter can come from a good force, or a bad force.  (We live in a physical world that is also surrounded by a spiritual world.)  According to Cognitive Behavioral Psychology,  it is not a external situation that effects our emotions, but our way of looking at a situation.  Our thinking drives our emotions and our emotions drive our behaviors.  That is why our perspective is fundamental in a happy life.  I've written much on that topic.  For instance, if someone cuts you off while driving (the external encounter), can give you a choice of viewing the situation.  You can choose, because of free will, to believe that person is an idiot and rude and "bad".  Or you can think that, bad driving happens, we've all done it and we never know why that person is reacting in that way.  We can look at it with eyes of compassion.  These thoughts are key to then allowing your emotion.  The first way of looking at it will trigger feelings of anger and make your blood boil which then will cause another negative, or bad reaction.  That is, a bad behavior like flipping the person off.  Which continues the cycle of evil and not being open enough to the grace needed to choose good.  Or...by choosing thought process #2, we can choose good and pray for that soul and whatever is going on in their life or interior being that causes them to choose to react and drive rudely. The one we get to choose.  We can choose another bad, or evil reaction like flipping the person off.  Our free will is very powerful, either way.  We may not be able to always choose what situation, event, or person we will encounter.  OR where that original force comes from, God or Satan.  However, we can with God's grace work on choosing our reaction because of the gift of free will.

I think of grief. How that grief was born, doesn't really matter.  Grief, does not come from a good force.  God never intended it for us on this earth.  It came because of the fall of man, the entering of sin into the world.  But I have the opportunity through free will to allow good, God, transform all my reactions to it.  Does Paul not tell us in Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose".  I hear this.  I believe this.  I strive to live it.  The force of grief or any negative emotion, gives us the chance to open wide the gates of our hearts, our mind, and our bodies to waterfalls of God's grace.  This is true, even for those who do this without giving God credit.  He loves us all, whether we believe or not.  We are all his little children.  Would  a good parent cease to feed, clothe, and give his child an abundant and fulfilling life even if that child never acknowledged him?  Of course not.  And if that child were actually a baby.  A parent would not even expect it.  Adult souls, can often be like babies or children in understanding depending on what they've been given to understand. (That is a whole other blog post) 

On the other side, grief or a negative emotion if we choose it's ways of evil, can be paralyzing to the mind, body, and of course the soul.  This is a profound crippling of a person and his\her life. 

How do we avoid this?  We don't always.  When something, like grief has it's root in evil and we also, born of the flesh can succumb to this, we can fall into moments or times of this paralysis.  These moments are not to be concerning.  They can even bring us closer to God's infinite and vast and TRIUMPHANT MERCY.  These moments help us recognize our continual weakness and need for our Creator at every breath, every beat of our heart.  It is when we allow grief to become our god that is becomes worrisome.  When we let it drive our decisions, all or reactions, our way of looking at life and the world, that is when we are in danger.  For there shall be no other God.  There is only one God who brings life.  All others bring horrific and different types of death.  This is a slippery slope as well.  I don't believe most souls decide to die this slow death of the soul.  It happens slowly and slyly.  Satan is tricky.  We must always be on guard.  We must watch for too many distractions.  Prayer is power, and it is IMPERATIVE to not falling prey.  Once we let one negative emotion drive us to negative reactions, it not only keeps waterfalls of grace out, but allows waterfalls of other negative forces in - like bitterness, anger, self-pity, and confusion. 

However, no matter where someone may be in this, God is always there waiting for us to use our free will to choose him.  He then, as the good parent, stoops down from the glories of His heavenly throne and scoops up our battered and beaten self - mind, body and soul.  This encounter is unique to each of us. Since we all are.  But for each soul, it is sweet and sacred. All wall of my heart disappear when  I imagine Him looking upon each one with the most tender and adoring of eyes; when I let go of things I've learned and read.  And just see Him as a Father with a child.  And although He is big and mighty, His demeanor as parent to a child is softened in complete love for the child-soul.  He strokes us, and tells us that everything is going to be alright.  Daddy is here.And the beginning restoration, as I see it, is not just a place of abandonment.  It is the place of seeing that God will humble himself lower than humanity, to bring you home.  For Home without you brings true grief to your Father.  His heart, His Being can't bear it.  It is the only thing that crushes Him.   Restoration is slow, but ever so  glorious!!! 

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Love in Process

I've recently been realizing something more and more about my Jesus.  I've always heard people, since I was a teenager and became more active in my spiritual growth, "Let God love you."  Or, "Give God permission to love you."  I can picture sitting in prayer asking God to love me.  I would give Him "permission."  I can't say I frequently remember some overwhelming experience after I said those words.  I thought although I said the words, that I might not have been doing something right.  Of course, I look at my life and see how God has and does love me very, very much.

However, I'm starting to come into a deeper layer of this.  My sweet sister in heaven Therese, has been helping me.  I noted the book I re-read about her "Everything is Grace".  I took so much in!  I was learning and re-learning, going deeper about so many things.  I've started asking her to intercede for me like never before.  I've been pondering so much based on her life and teachings.  Looking for guidance on how to please God more; how to go deeper in Him.  But one aspect that has surprised me that I've been realizing is Jesus' love for me a new light.  And looking at Therese's little way, her confidence in Him is something I am striving for.  I constantly look towards trusting God.  He is my Father.  He IS Divine Providence.  I look at the Cross and see Jesus as my Savior and His Resurrection and see Him as my Eternal Life.  I know He loves me.  But through such bold confidence I think I am seeing how He is IN love with me.  I often depend so much on what I am doing or not doing that would please or displease Him.  I know the idea of relying on Him and have often done so for many times in my life, and actually throughout my days.  But I am beginning to learn to trust Him to bring me to Him.  That He looks on me with so much love, just as new love.  I don't think He could let me do anything to separate myself from Him because the thought of Heaven without me is unbearable to Him.  My heart skips a beat thinking of this.  My confidence in His love for me is breaking new barriers in my life.  He would rather stoop down in humility to this weak, wretched soul than wait for me to do or be it all.  I know I will never be perfect until I've reached my Homeland.  I can always see how I can't do without Him.  But I think I 'm starting to see that is how Jesus looks at me as well.  I know He could, but He can't bear the thought of it. 

He looks at all His little souls like this.  Of that I'm sure. 

I look forward to dwelling on this little enlightenment more.  How easy the path to Heaven is when it is Jesus who will lift me there.

HAPPY HAPPY EASTER!! 

Monday, March 18, 2013

A Story and A Thought

I've been thinking about a story our priest told during the homily on Sunday.  He was talking about the Gospel which was the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead.  He talked about our bandages that are wrapped around us and make us feel trapped.  How when we are in this place we often feel like asking questions like, "Why is God doing this to me?" or "What have I done to deserve this?"  "Why is this happening to me?"  etc.  We all want freedom when we feel bound and captive.  He then went on to tell a story about a tribe in Africa.  When someone commits serious crimes as punishment they get tossed into a pitch black cave with a bolder covering the entrance.  However, there is another way out.  If the criminal can find it, he will be free.  If he doesn't, he will die in the cave. 

So a man got put in the cave.  On the roof of the cave he saw a very small hole of light.  He thought that must be the way out.  He fumbled in the dark to collect some rocks and pile them to so he could reach the top.  When he touched that hole, he could not make it any bigger.  Despite the way it appeared, it was not the exit to his freedom.  A few days passed, and the other men in the tribe went to the cave.  The criminal had died inside.  The men felt compassion for him.  Because he had died laying right next to the exit.  He was right there but didn't even realize it! 

The point of the story, is how we often look to find freedom in illusions.  In things that really do not free us at all.  We know Jesus is our freedom.  He not only gives it to us, but he is also the one that guides us to wherever we need to go or whatever we need to do to be healed and unbound.  I can see myself often in the man trapped in the cave.  At least he stopped once he realized that wasn't the exit.  I'd keep poking my darn finger in that hole thinking somehow it must work!  Jesus desires our freedom even more than we do. For it is God that spoke and said "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord.  "Plans to  prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jer. 29:11. 

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

To Bear One's Imperfections, That is Real Sanctity

 I picked up a lovely book my sister sent to me sometime after Stella died.  I read it then, but wanted to take another look at it.  It's a book on the life and way of St. Therese of Lisieux called "Everything is Grace".  As I was flipping through the chapters, chapter 15's title stood out to me - "To Bear with One's Imperfections, That is Real Sanctity". Why does this draw me?  Easy.  Because I LOATHE MY IMPERFECTIONS!! I torment and beat myself up when they surface.  Especially when they surface a thousand times in a single hour.  I sulk in them and apologize and beg for forgiveness obsessively.  Even to the point, these imperfections steal my joy and sense of duty for the day.  And what makes it worse, I know doing this isn't right either, so then it gives me reason to go further into my disgust of self!  Twisted.  I know.  The saints serve as great spiritual advisors.  I am so thankful for them!  For their example while on earth, and the help they give now in Heaven.  Apparently at the time when Therese was at Carmel the younger sisters were raised in a time of perfectionism and Jansenism.  (I understand the perfectionism).  The sisters would often go to Therese complaining about their flaws a and weaknesses.  They would depreciate themselves and even punish themselves.  Therese looked and approached her weakness and frailties differently.  She experienced grief and repentance but didn't go into self-condemnation.  She says "When I commit a fault that makes me sad, I know very well that this sadness is a consequence of my infidelity, but do you believe I remain there? Oh! No, I'm not so foolish!  I hasten to say to God: My God, I know I have merited this feeling of sadness, but let me offer it up to you just the same as a trial that You sent me through love.  I am sorry for my sin, but I'm happy to have this suffering to offer to you."  Corrections in behavior still apply.  Another experience when a sister spoke to her about her self-loathing, Therese says:

You make me think of the very little child who starts to hold herself up but does not yet know how to walk.  Wanting absolutely to climb to the top of the stairs to find her mother again, she lifts her little foot to finally climb the first step.  Useless labor! She always falls without making any advance...Consent to be this little child.  Through practicing all the virtues, keep lifting up your little foot in order to clamber up the stairs of holiness.  You will not even get to the first rung, but God asks nothing of you except your good will.  From the top of the stairs he looks down at you with love.  Soon, won over by your ineffective efforts, he will come down himself and, taking you in his arms, he will take you away into his kingdom forever where you will never have to depart from him.

Why is it when things are put into languages of a child it is so easy to understand?  To accept, to desire?  How can all of a sudden, the things I struggle with within myself look actually endearing and seen as an opportunity to be LOVED!

Therese often talked of running to Jesus' arms after she fell.  I love this example she gives, again relating to it as a little child. 

Look at a little child who has just annoyed his mother by flying into a temper or by disobeying her.  If he hides away in a corner in a sulky mood and if he cries in fear of being punished, his mamma will not pardon him, certainly not his fault.  But if he comes to her, holding out his little arms, smiling, and saying: 'Kiss me, I will not do it again,' will his mother be able not to press him to her heart tenderly and forget his childish mischief?  ...However, she know her dear little one will do it again on the next occasion, but this does not matter; if he takes her again by her heart, he will not be punished. 

No explanation needed.  Today, I strive for all of this.  Thank you sweet Therese.. The great little saint my daughter dines on the Father's love with.  I have often thought of them together.  I see them in a beautiful field of tall gold grass with flowers.  I see Stella placing flowers in Therese's hair and Therese placing flowers in Stella's curls.  They laugh and have giant smiles. They both enjoy the simplicity of love so much.  I see them sharing stories of their families and childhood.  They take great delight in each other and often talk of their parents whom they both loved immensely.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Little Update

We are anticipating some beautiful weather for the next week.  Sunny, in the upper 70's.  I am so thankful to start getting outside more.  I'm such a baby in cold weather.  So if it's under 70, I'm inside as much as possible.  I'm sure some of you in other parts of the country must think I sound pathetic!  I laugh at myself too.  I am starting a project at our school.  I'm so excited about it, but I hope I haven't bitten more than I can chew.  I figure since I'm at a school, it gives me a wonderful opportunity to serve in many different ways.  Here is my lovely "God" story that evolved as I was thinking of a service project we could do.  Of course, I can't say that at school, but I know.  I get to share it with
all of you though!

Ok, so I've been thinking\praying since I started in October, how I  could figure out a way to get the children to reach out and do a service project.  A few small obstacles - first it would have to be cheap.  Second, it would have to be simple enough for them to actually take ownership of it.  Third,  it would have to be something they could do during the short after school hours.  I can't give them "homework". The fourth small obstacle, is we can't go anywhere.  It has to be done at Athenaeum.  So...recently I thought our sweet niece Emma.  We have the Phoenix Children's Hospital here.  I thought, what if the kids could make capes for the children at the hospital and maybe write letters about how they are "real life" super heroes.  So this is the cool part.  I call the hospital and tell them my idea.  The woman I spoke with couldn't even believe it!  She told me she just got out of a planning meeting. They are going to hold a dance for the children on May 3rd and the theme is SUPER HERO!  She said she asked the volunteers to start trying to collect super hero stuff.  She was so excited to have a gift to give each of the children.  My kids are really excited too.  Well, most of them are.  So, we are going to be making 120-150 capes in the next couple months.  Please pray it all goes smooth. 

I find, when I struggle with grief or anything.  When being stuck on myself, the hardest, yet best medicine is one of two things.  I either need to get out of myself and create something.  Or serve someone else who is struggling.  I've had moments where I'm crying and hurting and I just start thinking and asking God, "Ok, Lord, what can I do for somebody?" Or "What can I make right now?"  When I make something, which usually means restoring some kind of furniture or home d├ęcor object, it forces me to look and imagine beauty.  And all beauty only comes from One source, Beauty Himself. 

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Tomorrow

I didn't forget to post this week.  Our brand new computer has been the "lemon" out of the group.  Thanks to Marito from technical support, its back and running for the time being.  I will try to post tomorrow.  I'm going to bed now. 

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Beautiful Reflection

I was reading\praying in my Magnificat book last night.  The Gospel yesterday was about Jesus preaching about when we take care of the least of his brothers, we take care of him.  The reflection was given by Servant of God Catherine de Hueck Doherty.  She was born in Russia and was the foundress of Madonna House in Combermere, Canada.  She writes,

"When I was growing up in Russia, my father was a diplomat.  One time he and my mother gave a big, fancy tea party at our home for several hundred ambassadors and dignitaries.  We were in the middle of having formal tea, with everyone using nice china and so forth.  I was about nine years old at the time, and I was allowed to be there, all dressed up and carrying little cakes and being polite.  Suddenly, the butler opened the door and announced to my father, "Christ is at the door."  Well, the French ambassador's wife dropped her expensive tea cup on the rug.  She was not used to such interruptions!

Father excused himself, mother excused herself and off they went.  And whom did they welcome? A hobo who had come to the door begging.  And what did they do? My mother and father served him themselves, even though we had fourteen servants in the house.  My mother laid out the best linen, the most expensive silver and our best china and so forth, and she served a hobo.  My father did likewise.  I saw all of this and I wanted to serve the hobo too, but mother said, 'Oh no.  You were not obedient last week; you cannot serve Christ unless you are obedient.'  So, in my little mind, to serve the poor was a great honor and a great joy.

Now that's Christianity.  You don't have to have catechism lessons when you see that sort of thing.  That was how my parents treated the poor, so that was what my brother and I learned from growing up in that kind of household , thanks be to God.

Of course, I was like any other kid too.  I would say, 'Well, do we live in a monastery or something like that?' My parents would say, 'No. We live in a family, of which Christ is the head.'  So, in the end, it all seemed quite natural to me to serve the poor.  Christ was in the poor and we must serve him."

This passage is so beautiful to me and something to strive for.  I especially love her mother's response to her when she wanted to serve.  We need more families like this in our times!!

Monday, February 11, 2013

Toddlers

Oh my.  Where to even start? Instead of trying to make up for lost ground, I think I will just start "here".  Life continues to move forward, some days fast, some days slow.  I have been enjoying, immensely, working as a teacher at an after school enrichment program, called Athenaeum. I find it is a wonderful distraction for my mind.  It helps me step out of myself, my trials, and focus on loving up other little children.  I get to utilize so many gifts and talents I have been given and have learned over the years. 

Speaking of distractions...That is a word I've been pondering much lately.  I often pray not to be distracted from God's will and goal in my life.  I see how I often am.  I also see how some "distractions" are gifts.  Some can actually benefit the soul, I think.  It is just imperative to be aware of which ones do and which ones don't.  I also cannot help but compare myself to my two year old daughter.  I'm so much more delightful to my own self when I make such a comparison.  Often, I point my finger at myself, scolding all the things that distracted me, the temptations I gave into, the thoughts that seemed to seep through my brain to initiate a behavior.  I get angry at my short-comings and failures.  The old "I should know better" not to do\think\say something.  Then I think of Gia.  I think of how I am like my little toddler.  I see how she is always trying to accomplish great things in her world.  She thinks she's a "big girl".  And God forbid anyone tells her different! I see her intently try to cut paper with scissors (children scissors - of course). She wants to sleep in a big girl bed and must brush her teeth and open yogurt on her own.  Her mother appears to simply be a bonus to her life that she so well deserves.  How do I see myself in her?  First of all, I see how easily I am distracted by not so important things - demands of the every day, health, beauty, people, chores, the must-haves, and the must-dos.  My focus on heaven can easily be tilted when "life happens".  I see how I think my soul is a "big girl."  I am constantly beating myself up because when I fall short I think "HOW COULD YOU? YOU KNOW BETTER."  It is when I hear this phrase in my mind said, that I think of how much I rely on my "big girl" self.  How if I tried to look through the Father's eyes, just as I look at Gia, instead I would see myself as a little toddler, a little soul.  That no matter how much I know or have learned, my sinful humanity is still very much present in my life.  And focusing too much on our failures also can be used as a distraction from our Destination.

I somehow must believe the Father can look upon me with such loving eyes as I do on Gia.  That her "big girl" attempts are actually so endearing to me.  They please me and actually bring me delight.  I know who she is. Her big struts and sentences make me love her more.  Because in the midst of them, she knows her mama is right beside her, ready to hug her after each hurt, make her every meal, teach her ways of love, and lay next to her every night.  I see the little soul in her trying so hard to be big.  And it doesn't take a fit or fall to remind me of how little she is, I don't ever forget.  However, it takes those fits and falls, to remind herself.  And that's how I see myself in her. My Father never forgets my littleness, even when I do.  I am thankful for those falls and fits to remind me of my place in His Plan.  I am so thankful to be small enough for His hands.  It is my pride that doesn't fit.  Thank God!  God is restoring much in me.  He is taking me some place new.  All for the Glory! Amen.      

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Hello Again

If anyone is interested....I will be posting again.  All these transitions are settling down.  We are very peaceful and hopeful where God has taken us and is taking us.  I think I mentioned I started working as a teacher in an after school program.  It's been wonderful for me!  I working with the children and loving them up. I go in to the school in the afternoon while Phillip takes over with Johnny and Gia.  It's a gift to us both.  I get out of the home and Phillip gets to spend a few extra moments with the John and Gia while they are this precious age.  We had a wonderful St. Stella's Feast Day celebration on the 30th.  We lived it up that day.  After we went to Mass, there was Eucharistic Adoration.  I was overwhelmed with this gratitude to God.  I felt so grateful for the gift Phillip and I have been able to offer Him.  What a gift, our own daughter!  It was such a beautiful moment for me.  I hope to write of new ways and our continued restoration, as every day we are being made new in Him.  Praise be to God forever!  He is so good to me and ever so PATIENT.  This is my quick hello back.  I continue to pray for each of you.  Life is good because God is EVERYTHING.  Peace be with each of you this night.