Sorry about not posting last week. Gia had pneumonia. I was emotionally drained as it brought me back to hard grief. The processing continues on. It has passed, and I am thankful. I see how far I have come, but still how far I have to go.
During last week when Gia was sick. I couldn't help but cry out to God and say, "She shouldn't have died! She was a healthy little girl! She shouldn't have!" When the storms of emotions calmed as I sat in quiet prayer. I was led to contemplate on the First Station of the Cross - Jesus is Condemned to Death. The next day I would remind myself of the first station. Not sure of what I was suppose to think about or dwell on, or what the Holy Spirit would show me, but I just kept trying. I thought of what that must have been like to be condemned to die. How did Jesus feel as He looked out into the crowd shouting "CRUCIFY HIM!" The crowd with some of the same people that followed Him miles, and watched Him perform miracles. Did He feel hurt? Scared? Betrayed? Misunderstood? By pondering this one aspect of His life, I saw how He used it to speak to mine. Christ shouldn't have died either. He was innocence itself. He came so we might have life and have it in abundance. He came to spread hope that the world had never heard or seen or experienced. He came to give love - agape love. He performed no crimes, all the evidence points to the same conclusion - He, too, shouldn't either. But He did. Why? Because it was the Father's Will, and that is why He came. It wasn't enough for Him to be a good person with good things to say. He had to give the Father all. He had to complete what He was sent to do. That is why we are all here, to do the Father's Will. His holy, perfect, all-loving Will. The Will that is not the path wide and smooth. The Will that takes us on the straight and narrow. The Will that many do not choose to follow because it is often so very HARD. The Will where the weak, the wretched, the lost, and the broken are the VICTORS. The Will that leads to everlasting life, to perfect love, to only belonging, and forever safety. His hands are in everything, even in what appears to be repulsive and unbelievable. Stella, pray hard for all of us! The path to the summit is getting steeper. Let no soul be left behind. Blessed be God forever and happy hiking.