Monday, February 27, 2012

The Best I Can Give Tonight

I'm actually not sure of what to write about. Even as I have contemplated this last week, I still couldn't come to any conclusions. The truth is, it's been really hard. Everything seems so fresh again sometimes. And I guess that's just what it is. The last month seems to have had more harder days than not. That's the name of this game though - ups and downs. It's all just exhausting. The road of life looks long right now and even as I continue to press forward and push, I sometimes just stop and let it be. I just let all the pain be where it is, right inside. I try not fight it too much because surrendering is sometimes the best choice. I see the Truth, but sometimes it doesn't set in and reside in me. This is where habits of trust and service come in handy. I fall back on them and I am grateful. All the questions spin in my head as the world continues to spin as well. How? I wonder. How does time continue to move? I gaze upon Jesus hanging on the Cross - limp, lifeless, bloody, and battered and I say "I trust in You, my sweet, sweet Jesus." Can't we just skim over this part? Go straight to beautiful, glorious, light-filled Jesus after His Resurrection? It gives good feelings and brings happy thoughts. No. We can't. Seeing the "before" picture, makes us see the real transformation in the "after" one. And besides, I relate more to the body hanging on the Cross right now. Thank you Lord, for choosing me. Thank you for choosing all of us sinners. You didn't have to. Your really actually shouldn't have... but You did. Thank you. I will praise you all the days of my life, no matter what they look like or what is in them. I hope against all hope for the glory to be revealed in times to come, in places to come, in LOVE to come. I hope against all hope in the Love that is here, in all of these tears. I throw myself at the foot of your cross and intercede for many who are suffering. For those you have given me knowledge of and those I have no idea about. You allow these moments of pain to continue to visit me, just as You allowed your own death come upon Your very life. For You knew the life of this world was NOTHING compared to the one to come. Why do I try so hard to understand it all? I can't. It's not humanly possible. I surrender it all. Thank you for the wounds I gaze upon. Thank you for those wounds you bore so my daughter could be held by all the splendor and glory only pure Love embraces. Please, come close to me now and comfort this little fragile soul, your Francesca.

3 comments:

  1. God bless you Francesca...please know I think and pray for you and your family often.

    Kellie

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  2. Thank you for sharing even when it has been really hard. I send my love and I am turning to Stella to pray for me through some hard things in my life.

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  3. Francesca, I'm thinking of you and praying for you. I go to adoration at St. Joseph's the hour after your sister, Alexis, and I've been following your story. I hope you don't mind, but I shared this pure and holy posting, as I think it would help others who are in a hard place. God bless you, and may our precious Jesus and His Holy Mother grant you some measure of the peace and comfort of heaven. Love to you.

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