I'm sure what I've been thinking about recently is a pracitice many of you already do, but it's a newer one for me. I've known of it most of my life and have possibly even done it at other times; however I'm restarting it. A couple of months ago I felt like everything I read or heard mentioned a daily examination of conscience. I figured the Holy Spirit was trying to tell me something. I got the message. I started writing down at the end of the day the things I recalled I did that did not please the Lord. I was utterly amazed at how long my list was each day! It was wonderful. I told the Lord that since my list is so long I am the perfect candidate for him to drench and drown me in His mercy. So...
Life continues and I started to forget or get too tired at the end of the day to contemplate my short comings. Jesus was not pleased with this and He reminded me again. I was having a hard morning (what else is new). My compassionate husband was holding me as I was wailing. I said to him in my agony, "I just want Jesus. Where is He?" Johnny, my son, was playing, minding his own business. He nonchalantly walked in the room and said, " Jesus is over there, by the window." I asked, " Well, what is He doing?" John continued "Cleaning the windows. O, and now he's over by the mirror cleaning it...And now he's cleaning these windows and Stella's helping." I thought it was such an odd thing to say. Phillip then said, "Yes, son. He IS cleaning the windows, so that we can see better." Phillip picked up on the way the Lord wanted to use John to speak to me.
That same night I started a "Consecration to the Immaculate Heart of Mary". In the very first passage, Mary's words were this: "I tell you, your hearts are a window to your soul; the Act of Consecration opens this window. Your soul is like a prism, it is designed by God to reflect Him. If there are any impurities in this prism, it cannot reflect the glory that was intended. To bring clarity to the soul, you must pray. Only through prayer may all impurities be dissolved."
Needless to say, after that day, after such a clear instruction, I have been fervently trying to sit at the end of each day and reflect on where I need more grace to overcome my MULTITUDE of weaknesses. I have experienced the grace to accept more and more the humility my soul longs for. After all, it is one thing to sit once and awhile and think of one's own faults, but to do it daily is a humbling yet imperative act. It does not discourage me when I do this. It aids me. I know Jesus is taking care of all the rest. I can present to him my "dirty windows and mirror" as I do at the end of the day but just as Johnny saw, it was Jesus actually doing the cleaning (with Stella's help). Therefore I approach him with great confidence. My job is to look and expose all the dirt so my saving Jesus can purify and clean the eyes of my soul. They can then reflect the glory it was intended for. The day continues as it holds much more work for me to do.