I can't help but share this beautiful passage from St. Faustina. Tears rolled down my face as I read it because it touched me so. She writes,
"Sorrow will not establish itself in a heart which loves the will of God. My heart, longing for
God feels the whole misery of exile. I keep going forward bravely - though my feet become
wounded - to my homeland and, on the way, I nourish myself on the will of God. It is my
food. Help me, happy inhabitants of the heavenly homeland, so that your sister may not falter along the way. Although the desert is fearful, I walk with lifted head and eyes fixed on the
sun; that is to say, on the merciful Heart of Jesus."
I offer these words directly from my own heart while revelations in them strengthen my soul. I found a letter recently Stella wrote to Jesus this last Christmas. I asked her to write a card to Him telling Him of the gifts she wanted to give Him because Christmas is His birthday after all. The most precious part of her letter was the way she addressed Him. She wrote, "Jesus, You are the Star of Heaven." I thought of Stella's words when I read how St. Faustina referred to the merciful Heart of Jesus as the sun, or actually a star. How wise and poetic Stella is. When I pray I sometimes address Him with those same words. I ask for the grace to LOVE the will of God so the sorrow I carry will not reside in it permanently. I can't imagine a refusal from such a request.
I have been asking the Holy Spirit to enlighten me more on "the will of God" and what it means to love it. Generally speaking, I know the will of God is beautiful. His will is for us to follow after His Son and choose to live with Him forever in Heaven. What is not to love about that? However, it is the path asked of us to such a destination that can make LOVING the will of the Father a bit difficult. My flesh does not"feel" an ounce of love for such a road. So I ask myself, how do I truly love the will of the Father? I pray fervently for the grace to know it, desire it, accept it, and even endure it. But real freedom of the spirit can only be reached if I actually go beyond all of those things and LOVE it no matter how much my flesh cringes at it.
I wonder how I am suppose to bring God's will to me in the present, not just my future in eternity. A visiting priest at our parish said these words in a homily recently, "EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED IN YOUR LIFE IS THE WILL OF GOD." So simple, so true. If God allowed it, He willed it. Our sinful nature plays a role in choices we may have made but we have never, not once "surprised" God. He works with all the scraps I have as long as I give them. I look back at my life and am truly amazed at how much He protected me. (Maggie, think about the time we got lost in the middle of the night in Rome in those scary parts of the city. How did something NOT happen to us? It wasn't God's will.) Anyways...When I think of that homily I must look at my life and choose to love all of it, past, present, and future because my life is God's will.
As I continue to contemplate on truly loving God's will an image came to my mind. I saw Jesus standing before me holding Stella's hand. There was a curtain next to them. He laid out the sacrifice He would ask of me and said, "If you choose to accept and cooperate, I will show you the souls that will be saved." I see my Stella's face. I look at my Jesus' face. She smiles and nods almost urging me. I look into Jesus'eyes and I love Him, I love Him tenderly and profoundly. I want my daughter so badly. But I trust Him. My soul responds and somehow from a place that is all mystery, I say "Yes" although I tremble. Questions appear in my head and in my agony I ask, "What souls could possibly be worth this sacrifice?" Immediately the curtain draws back and I see two very familiar faces. I see Johnny and Gia, beaming and joyful. And immediately the trembling stops and not only peace enters me, but actually even - gratitude. For my perspective of such a request is altered. For now I feel courage, strength, and fortitude. For as a mother knows, she will go through any and all possible torments for the sake of her child. Even if it means offering up one on this earth, so she may have them all with her FOREVER. She sees and understands in full the fruits of her yes.
To me, this is how I must come to learn how to truly LOVE the will of God even when at first glance it appears horrifying. For looking at it through the example of the vision, how can I not help but love His will of love? One could wonder if there could be another way, another path to walk instead. The answer is no. There could not because if it isn't ALL it isn't Love. There couldn't be another road for Christ and He invites us to follow His footsteps. It is the only road to eternal life. (*Note the vision given is meant for teaching purposes, not to be taken literally. One could place any loved one behind the curtain. The purpose is a didactic one for me.)
So in such a scenario inspired by the Holy Spirit, I am beginning to see how I can take the first step to actually loving the will of the Father, not just when it "pleases" me, not just accept, ask for it, endure it. For as Faustina said, since sorrow cannot establish itself in a soul that loves the will of God, what then will in fact reside in such a soul? Freedom, Heaven, God. Therefore, it will be my life's goal, that is, learning to LOVE the will of our Father.