I just wanted to share some of the heavenly blessings of the last week despite some of the emotional difficulties I had. I still saw some wonderful heavenly help. Last Sunday I went to pick up Gia off the bed and my back went out. This has NEVER happened to me before. It is sooooo painful. God bless any of you who have experienced this. It was very discouraging to me. I couldn't go about my usual care of the family.
I have had a few things hanging over my head with the children. I've needed to get Gia on a better sleep schedule and in her own crib. Ever since Stella, Gia has slept with me. One of my other goals that has been challenging me for quite some time, is John has needed to be potty trained. I told the Lord how these things have felt like mountains during this time right now. Then I added to Him, "And now my back too?! Really?!" So I prayed and thought about what the Lord was trying to show me. I sensed He wanted me to see that even when I am not capable of anything on my own, when it is His work we are doing, He is the one that will do it. We are just the vessel. So...with my back out this week, one thing after another started happening from the Lord through Stella's intercession.
First of all, I found a star in the driveway. Stella is praying. The next day, my family called with exciting news about a HUGE answered prayer that they have been asking Stella's intercession for, for months. Everyone was celebrating. Gia started sleeping great in her crib. Then John started using the bathroom. I had three stories from my 13 year old niece who knew Stella was trying to let her know she is praying and looking out for her. One of them happened to be her 18 month old brother was playing in his room by himself. He was laughing and laughing. When she went to get him for dinner as he walked out of the room he turned and said, "See you later Stella." This is the third time he has done this! Johnny gave me a beautiful yellow star shaped flower. Then on that same day, I received a giant beautiful bouquet of sunflowers from the Holy Spirit, I was told. A decision Phillip and I have been discerning came to pass and was made clear. Another precious gift was told to me by my sister-in-law. She told me of a family who's baby daughter had some kind of digestive disorder. She asked Stella to pray for them for guidance because what they had been doing wasn't working. The next day her husband found a blog called something like, "Living and learning with STELLA". The site was about a family who's daughter also named Stella had the same thing. This mom knew it was the right thing to follow. The baby is doing great now! This was such joyful news to me. Stella LOVES babies! I told Stella she is doing more now in heaven then she could ever achieve in an entire lifetime on earth.
All of these things just continued to confirm that if we are obedient and open to doing the Father's will, then even our desires and challenges are easily met by Him. He does it even when we feel like we cannot. My back is doing much better. It has been a difficult week for me emotionally though. Please any extra prayers or offerings would be greatly appreciated. Sometimes the shock comes back and hits me again. And I think, "What just happened to my life?" I have to continue to process. I think, how will I live the rest of my life with such a large hole in my heart? But I think of this story I heard a long time ago about a potter.
There is a place in Italy (I don't remember the exact region) where they make these world famous clay platters, bowls, vases, etc. Each piece has these cracks all over it which just add to the beauty. The potter hand makes the piece, paints details on it, fires it, etc. They are breathtaking. However, what makes them unique and world renowned are these cracks in them. The potter takes this already astounding masterpiece and smashes it into tiny, tiny pieces. He then rebuilds it, piece by piece. The cracks are there from the smashing, they do not disappear after being restored. The outcome is GLORIOUS! People all over the world pay a good amoungt of money for these beautiful works of art.
I think of this story as a metaphor for my heart, for my life. I am an already beautiful masterpiece made by God. But I have been smashed to pieces. However, if I am willing to let the Potter continue to work, my hope is that as time continues I will find myself like one of those Italian pieces - preferably like one of the vases, an open vessel to hold fragrant and vibrant flowers and foliage. My heart will always show the cracks from the smashing but the end result is still much more desirable and beautiful. This work can only be done by the Great Potter, our Creator. For if the pieces are left to me to put together, they will remain scattered and disordered. Only He knows where each piece must go. Jesus, help me today. My heart is broken.
Thank you for the comments and encouragement. Cecilia - I LOVED the quote from St. Anthony. I want to paint in and put it up somewhere. I'm praying for all of you and your loved ones.