I am writing this before Easter but I know it won't post until after. So...I hope everyone's Easter was blessed. I'm sure ours will be. I've already put my See's candy order in to my mom.
I've been thinking of ways Stella has been teaching me now. As stated in a previous post, my desire is to become little like her, so I too can continue to grow closer to heaven and getting there. A couple attributes that keep going to my mind about Stella is her compassion and gratitude. She is fascinating to watch. Her joy surpasses many children I have ever met. She loves life in abundance, whether it be in small things or large ones. People would often comment on her laugh. She has the best full-hearted laugh. It is the contagious kind. However, in the same breath her sensitivity towards others amazes me. She would leave the room if a show or movie was on where a person was being laughed with. I would explain the difference between being laughed "with" verses laughed "at". The thought of this would make her leave the room and often cry. It would disturb her so much. Another example was in January we had a cold spell (And yes AZ can have them too.) It hit as low as the 20's! She came to me one night because she couldn't sleep. Her lips started to quiver and she expressed her concern for all the poor in the cold weather, especially the babies. Then minutes later as I was trying to comfort her, her face lit up and she came up with a solution. She excitedly announced, "I know! We can have all of them come into our house to get warm. We can give them food and some money. We have lots of money in that jar over there!" We continued to talk about how we could serve the poor. Her little\big heart was at peace and she went to bed.
I miss our conversations like these the most - about the world, heaven, God, life, people, etc. Having such conversations with a child and hearing her point of view and teaching her, enlightened my own soul. She would thank me for serving her- making her food, bathing her, putting her to bed, spending time with her, etc. I recall how one night I told her as she was lying in bed, "Stella, God knew. He just knew. He knew if I got to choose from all the children in the whole world, you're the one I'd choose." Her eyes lit up and she wrapped her precious arms around me, in total surrender of love for me, in complete gratitude of these words and their meaning. I would tell her this periodically. Then one time, we were on our big yearly family vacation. Stella, like her mom, can get exhausted from socializing a lot. We had been with everyone for days and one evening at a dinner, Stella started to act fussy, saying she didn't feel well. I knew, as her mom, she just needed some space and down time. I told her, mom would take her back to the room and get her ready for bed and just read some books together. We did just that. Her spirit started to pick up and she was herself again. She stopped in the middle of her conversation and looked at me and said, "Mom, God knew. He just knew Mom." I said, "What? What did He know?" Stella replied, "He knew you were just the mom I would need." A little while later her cousins came back from the dinner and she went on her way under the stars with them exploring the beautiful creations of nature - finding awe in each inch of it.
I think of these examples and beg God to help me become like her. If I could carry in my heart her compassion for others, the awe of creation, the joy of living, and the gratitude when being served, I know I would be even more pleasing to my Jesus and more capable of the Greater Love I am called to carry and accept, the Love my daughter ran to. As Easter is approaching (but actually has passed to those reading this) I am more thankful than any other Easter of the magnificent price paid. Because of His Great Love, His Death and Resurrection I get to look forward to being with my saint again. So I say from the very bottom of my heart and the depths of my soul - Thank you, Jesus, thank you.
And thank you for the comments and prayers. They are very encouraging to me and much appreciated. Please keep them coming!! I pray for all of you too. Oh, and I can't wait for Divine Mercy Sunday this weekend! YAY!!!